You will solve a lot of issues by giving feedback as quick as possible when you aren’t comfortable with something. This applies to everyone close to you.
With your employees or coworkers. With your boyfriend or girlfriend. With your significant other. With your family.
When you give feedback immediately it is addressed immediately. You can discuss it without ego.
When you wait, it stews inside you. It stews inside the other person for realizing you have thought this way for so long without saying anything.
Everyone is offended.
The person can get extremely offended the longer you wait.
Let’s say you tell your friend great news and they try to one up you instead of celebrating with you. You can just say “Hey, I’m really proud of this and it doesn’t happen often. Let’s celebrate my thing for a bit.”
Let’s say you have another friend who does the same thing, but you wait 3 years to tell them. You reach your boiling point, but calmly say the same thing.
“Hey, I’m really proud of this and it doesn’t happen often. You always do this. Let’s celebrate my thing for a bit.” Even if you don’t explicitly say “You always do this,” that’s basically what you are thinking. Maybe they will take it that way too.
If you do it the first time, it’s like you are asking a favor of them. The longer you wait, the longer you are implicitly saying this is part of who you are. You are not just telling a one time behavior of there’s is wrong and you want it to change. You are telling them their entire being is wrong.
It is fully understandable to not immediately realize you don’t like something. You might feel it is awkward to bring it up the first few times or not know how to communicate your discomfort. You can still bring it up when you are ready, but be extra careful of the word choice. Don’t be a jerk.
There is a world of difference between
“Can you not use the phone when we are on a date?”
“You never pay attention to me. We are out right now and you are looking at your phone.”
If it is someone not close to you, you likely do not interact with them much. Don’t start asking for a better attitude from a service worker.
Just focus on what you want. “Hey is this my order?”
You don’t need to say anything about the attitude of your barista. You don’t need to be “radically transparent” about how long the waiter is taking at Olive Garden.
What you are really doing is defining what you are and aren’t comfortable with. That can be awkward. Really awkward. No one can read your mind except you.
That said, there are obviously some societal norms you don’t need to say. You don’t have to tell your coworker not to tickle.
The longer you wait, the bigger the insult. The biggest insult of all would be never giving feedback. You are basically saying you don’t care.